Ever wondered what is what like to be inside the mind of a therapist? Well think no further!
In late November I was lucky to have a Zoom chat–cum-interview with ‘Desola, a counsellor in the Low Cost Service who’s been part of the team for 2 years.
LD: Why and when did you decide to become a counsellor?
DH: It’s been a very long journey. I’ve always been really fascinated with people; I’ve always been a navel gazer. Since childhood I’ve been setting the world to rights, in the sense of social justice and equality. But I’m Nigerian, so my parents wanted me to become a lawyer, or doctor, you could do architecture… possibly; also, in my time, counselling wasn’t something that one heard of so much.
So, I ended up in banking, but despite that I’ve always found a way of volunteering for something. I did eight years at the Samaritans, for example. It was always about being there to support people to live their best lives’. That’s always been important to me.
When semi-retirement came up I did a course in Training, Learning and Development I did my research for it with Crisis the homeless charity for whom I volunteered by giving talks at schools, rotary clubs etc. It was then I realised just how many people were damaged (and I include myself in that) and that this was the best way of supporting people to think for themselves. When I started looking into counselling I realised that for me it has always been important to figure out a person’s past – that there’s more than what’s just happening on the surface. That’s why I decided to go for psychodynamic training and I chose Birkbeck as it has a good reputation.
When you first start counselling you really want to do your best, but actually one has to relax into allowing the person to do the work, to be there, to hear, be a quiet catalyst to it happening – that’s the psychodynamic way. I was able to work on this by joining WCC and starting a placement in early 2018.
The journey is challenging and stressful but I love it and I think of it as my vocation.
LD: How and why did you choose WCC to do your placement?
DH: I work for Mind as a freelancer co-facilitating a women’s group. The director who trained me in group facilitation six years ago and became a mentor to me recommended I took up a placement at WCC and one other place. I was interviewed and accepted by both but chose WCC because it felt (to use psychodynamic terminology) more containing. I felt contained.
I also liked Marisa, she’s my kind of crazy! [Marisa is the Centre Manager here at WCC!]
LD: How have you adapted to doing the work during lockdown? Have you felt your clients have felt increasingly anxious or depressed during the lockdown?
DH: Going on to Zoom was possibly not as traumatic for me as for some people from what I’ve heard when we get together virtually to talk about it. I seem to be able to see the positive side to it. I’m very used to my own company, but I also keep occupied. From a personal sense its fine. I can still go out, I can shop for food. I actually had Covid, had it twice, and I still have the effects of it, so I am very careful. However, I don’t feel restricted – I pursue my hobbies on Zoom. I miss WCC, I miss the people there. I miss that naughty dog who’s always after my food! [Sidney is Priya’s guide dog]. I do not miss the commute.
One of my clients really did not get on well with telephone work. We had worked hard on the alliance during our face-to-face sessions, we were beginning to get eye contact and engagement and then lockdown happened. However, they elected not to go on Zoom and I found that very, very difficult. Over the phone you’re having to tune into what the silences are about, whether they are crying etc. This person was very affected by the lockdown. Their living situation was claustrophobic, made worse by the pandemic, it affected work which would normally get them out of the house, so that was very difficult.
I also have a client that I recently started with on Zoom. Oh my goodness, we are doing some awesome work! I am giving kudos to their previous counsellor because clearly the client had a good example of counselling before and they were able to establish trust much sooner. This person can go to really painful places and look at themselves insightfully. Again, this person has been affected by the current situation but has a more independent life so they seem to be coping better than my other client.
LD: Can you summarise, for the layman, what the psychodynamic is and means?
DH: It means that your psyche, your mind, your mental workings (instincts, drives, emotions) are in constant flux and this is what we work with. Psychodynamic practice was founded by Freud and taken up by Klein and Winnicott but there are many other wonderful psychodynamic thinkers/clinicians. What it means is that you look to the unconscious. The unconscious that can swallow up things which affect the way you relate to people and the way you behave. If you have squashed emotions, experiences, difficult people/relationships down into your unconscious and put a lid on they will somehow come out in certain ways that are not necessarily helpful and that can cause neurosis (e.g. depression, OCD) and in some cases psychosis (losing touch with reality e.g. dissociative conditions) and personality disorders. So, psychodynamic psychotherapy aims to find a way for those things repressed in the unconscious to surface so that they are known and can be worked with and hopefully they can stop being toxic.
LD: What would you say to someone who was thinking of undertaking into a counselling or psychotherapy training?
DH: Advice is a difficult one as everyone is so different. Everyone’s journey is so different. One thing I must say is that the variety of careers that people in my course cohorts have had is huge.
Counselling is about people so I would suggest that people first get to know themselves by having good therapy. You need to be clear on why you’re doing it and what your reasons are. Take it from there and then look into the different modalities and training organisations that suit your interests.
LD: Can you give us tips and tricks you’ve used to stay happy and healthy in the lockdown?
DH: I have my dark days but honestly I don’t think I’m doing too badly! Despite my health challenges I just keep going. It’s part of my journey! The fact that I have a bit of routine is important. I watch far too much telly, I love all the rubbish programs like Who Dunnits and soaps – from Father Brown to Philharmonia, but I also watch some really powerful dramas like ‘I May Destroy You’ and Steve McQueen’s ‘Small Axe’ series.
I really look forward to seeing my clients; I really look forward to my own personal therapy having been recommended an excellent therapist by a seasoned counsellor at WCC. I really recommend that people get to know themselves by having therapy.
I also have regular virtual choir sing-a-longs, which is wonderful. I Zoom with friends and I try to go for walks. I actually started running, doing the NHS couch to 5k. If you knew me you’d think that was hilarious! I do bits of yoga at home; I also stream mass on a Sunday and speak to my spiritual director once a month.
The internet, YouTube, is a great resource – that’s where I get my soca aerobics, running app and yoga. You know, there’s so much out there!
LD: Which 3 people would be on your dream gueslist for your dinner party?
DH: Billie Holiday, Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King. Billie Holliday – that was a tortured soul, but oh what a voice!
LD: What’s the best book you’ve read this year?
DH: Ha! I don’t have time to read!… But actually I was given this book by two of my friends for Christmas last year so now I have the hard and paper back. It’s Girl, Women, Other by Bernadine Evaristo. I read it over Easter. It took me a little while to get into it, it has no punctuation! But then different personalities came out and a lot of very human, some very difficult, stories – it’s a fabulous book.
LD: What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received.
DH: Get on with your life.
LD: What are you most excited to do once the lockdown has finished?
DH: Get back to singing with my choirs in person!
LD: What are you most scared of?
DH: Heights. Not fond of spiders. Do not care for snakes or rats either!
LD: Finally, What 3 things you would bring with you to a desert island?
DH: You mean apart from the luxury yacht that’s moored around the corner?! I think I would bring a compendium of Jane Austen novels, for something light-hearted. I would bring something that was able to play music, and show films. It has to do both. Does that count as two? I need Good Coffee. Multi-vitamins. Is there decent wine on the island? No, it might be a good chance to detox…Let’s make it a hammock!